When I was a young girl, in my teenage time, I used to like a french singer; Frédéric François. I used to watch his concerts on TV and get dizzy with all this romance in his songs. My favorite wish then was to attend a concert for him. It looked like the impossible. If anybody told me then, "One day, you will attend a concert for this guy.", I would consider him totally insane!
The day had come! About ten days ago, I opened the newspaper, to find a small essay, at the last page, on one of the corners. "Frédéric François; is to hold a concert in Cairo Opera House, in two days." I wasn't really surprised, nor excited! But the very first thought that came to my mind, that the concert will be a private concert, and that I will need an invitation for attendance. So, I immediately let go the idea of attending. Went to work, discussed the news with my cousin, he started sending me some of his songs. And after a little thinking, I discovered it's been two years since I heard anything for him. And that simply means, that I didn't need or miss his music! After a while, I thought it would be nice to attend the concert. The next day, I knew that the concert wasn't any private! But, seems that I'm the only one not following the world outside. The very next day, I went to the opera house, to reserve two seats, for me and for my mother. Though the tickets were too expensive, I didn't care. I thought this is something that happens once in the lifetime! The next day, I knew that I have to go to work for the weekend. I tried to organize everything, so I don't miss the concert.
The time has come, the concert is today. I planned with mother to pass by me at work, so we go together to the concert. We were there half an hour before the concert starts. It's getting boring, we have waited for too long. The concert starts half an hour late. There he is. He's on the stage. Oh, I can't believe my eyes. He's the one standing down there, this was the thought that I believed would come to my mind when I see him. But no, it felt like nothing seeing him there! I remember watching him on TV those old days felt more exciting! I thought to myself. Wait, you are not in the mood yet. You just left work, you had busy three months. I kept watching, and listening. YESS ! here it is "Viens te perdre dans mes bras". How I love this song! He stopped singing, he pointed the mic in the audience direction, so we sing ourselves. I sang, and no body around me did! It felt very embarrassing raising my voice out loud! But, I will still sing. It's ok! But, do I really feel like singing?! No, I can't feel anything! The song is over. From a song to another, the concert is over! Now, we leave.
I had a feeling and couldn't understand it. What is this? Why didn't I get any excited, or happy watching one of my childhood dreams coming true! I can't feel anything. Not happy, not sad, nothing! Am I not able to feel happy anymore? Or, is it that I'm already dead? Or, is it because, you were not there sitting next to me?! The exact feeling I have now, is that I didn't attend the concert, and the man hasn't been here at all!
I tried to talk with my mom, while leaving the opera house. Her first answer was, that I was closing all the doors, I'm not giving myself a chance to live! And that's why I can't feel happy or excited about anything anymore. The only thing I could say, is that this topic is not for discussion. My decision was taken and in process months ago. I did enough mistakes. I can't go through them again. I know what I want. And I won't do anything unless I really feel it.
I try to convince myself, that I'm blessed, as I experienced lots of things, that if they happen, they happen only once in the lifetime! But, did I lose one now? I got the chance to be happy with it, but I didn't! I think I missed it! Now, I really need an answer, am I already dead? Or am I still alive? Would it always be the same? Should I give up life, and forget about those "once in a lifetime" chances!?!
The day had come! About ten days ago, I opened the newspaper, to find a small essay, at the last page, on one of the corners. "Frédéric François; is to hold a concert in Cairo Opera House, in two days." I wasn't really surprised, nor excited! But the very first thought that came to my mind, that the concert will be a private concert, and that I will need an invitation for attendance. So, I immediately let go the idea of attending. Went to work, discussed the news with my cousin, he started sending me some of his songs. And after a little thinking, I discovered it's been two years since I heard anything for him. And that simply means, that I didn't need or miss his music! After a while, I thought it would be nice to attend the concert. The next day, I knew that the concert wasn't any private! But, seems that I'm the only one not following the world outside. The very next day, I went to the opera house, to reserve two seats, for me and for my mother. Though the tickets were too expensive, I didn't care. I thought this is something that happens once in the lifetime! The next day, I knew that I have to go to work for the weekend. I tried to organize everything, so I don't miss the concert.
The time has come, the concert is today. I planned with mother to pass by me at work, so we go together to the concert. We were there half an hour before the concert starts. It's getting boring, we have waited for too long. The concert starts half an hour late. There he is. He's on the stage. Oh, I can't believe my eyes. He's the one standing down there, this was the thought that I believed would come to my mind when I see him. But no, it felt like nothing seeing him there! I remember watching him on TV those old days felt more exciting! I thought to myself. Wait, you are not in the mood yet. You just left work, you had busy three months. I kept watching, and listening. YESS ! here it is "Viens te perdre dans mes bras". How I love this song! He stopped singing, he pointed the mic in the audience direction, so we sing ourselves. I sang, and no body around me did! It felt very embarrassing raising my voice out loud! But, I will still sing. It's ok! But, do I really feel like singing?! No, I can't feel anything! The song is over. From a song to another, the concert is over! Now, we leave.
I had a feeling and couldn't understand it. What is this? Why didn't I get any excited, or happy watching one of my childhood dreams coming true! I can't feel anything. Not happy, not sad, nothing! Am I not able to feel happy anymore? Or, is it that I'm already dead? Or, is it because, you were not there sitting next to me?! The exact feeling I have now, is that I didn't attend the concert, and the man hasn't been here at all!
I tried to talk with my mom, while leaving the opera house. Her first answer was, that I was closing all the doors, I'm not giving myself a chance to live! And that's why I can't feel happy or excited about anything anymore. The only thing I could say, is that this topic is not for discussion. My decision was taken and in process months ago. I did enough mistakes. I can't go through them again. I know what I want. And I won't do anything unless I really feel it.
I try to convince myself, that I'm blessed, as I experienced lots of things, that if they happen, they happen only once in the lifetime! But, did I lose one now? I got the chance to be happy with it, but I didn't! I think I missed it! Now, I really need an answer, am I already dead? Or am I still alive? Would it always be the same? Should I give up life, and forget about those "once in a lifetime" chances!?!
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