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The Battle

Summary
The latest battle I have to deal with.
The battlefield is my body.
The battle is between the alien and the old me.
The old me has disappointed my mind badly.
My mind created an alien!

The Alien
"The Alien" has no emotions.
"The Alien" is strong.
"The Alien" has no faith.
"The Alien" doesn't dream.
"The Alien" has no interest in life.
"The Alien" has a clear plan.
"The Alien" works on his plan and doesn't care what's going on in the world.
"The Alien" can do it!

Me!
"Me" used to dream.
"Me" used to have faith.
"Me" used to believe in myself, in my dreams.
"Me" used to trust people.
"Me" used to love unconditionally.
"Me" used to see the positive in everything.
"Me" had all kinds of emotions.
"Me" used to fear, but was mad enough to face her fears.

After "Me" failed, my mind decided that she had tried enough times, and she should go. He created that alien with the new specs, that don't look like "Me" at all. My mind was strong enough, he made his decision and started to work on it very quickly that it surprised "Me". Suddenly "Me" knew it was over and she should die. My mind thought that "Me" would give in so easily, and that's what appeared to be. Things worked perfectly, and "The Alien" was in full control. But, seems that "Me" is still fighting for her life. She tries to prove she exists. She appears in my dreams, when my mind and "The Alien" are sleeping. She faces me with all my hopes and dreams. She shows me my fears which all came true. She shows me the old nightmares and new ones.
When "Me" is active I am in an episode of depression. My first episode lasted for two weeks. And this I can't describe, I can't even remember, all I can remember is that I found it so hard to concentrate.
I know that I should go for medication, but, what if I do, and "Me" takes over "The Alien"! I don't trust "Me" anymore. I believe this is the era of "The Alien"!

If only I never existed! If I were just dust that the wind blows! Let this wind come and blow me, and I become lost everywhere, I become nothing. God, end my suffering, please!

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"Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast."

The Prophet ~ Khalil Gibran