The Approval

I know it has been too long since I have written anything. I wasn't in the mood for righting, and I was too stressed that I become lazy in my free time. But, today, things are gonna change, and I had to write now just to document my current state before it changes!

On the 23rd of January 2016 I received a message on whatsapp from Mrs. Hanan informing me that I got the approval. By that time, I started feeling desprate from waiting. It had been too long, much more than they had estimated. I called one before that date, and they said that my papers were just sent to the committee. Thinking that I still have to wait for the first and the second committee added more stress as things were not going as planned. My mom was travelling to the UAE for a month and I wanted to find you before she's back here so we could buy you stuff from there that would be to expenssive here. But, on that day I decided to let go. I decided to enjoy the good weather clean up my room after a sandy storm and look at it from a different perspective. Maybe God wanted me to have a little more time. Or maybe He wanted things to be delayed so "You" could be there when I reach out for you. I decided to stay positive, and so I got the message. And here's a screenshot. Calling Mrs. Hanan I found out there had been a misunderstanding and when I thought I was waiting for the first committe, I was actually waiting for the second. She told me if I had already found the baby, I can receive her! And that added to my confidence that God is planning something.

That was about 10 days before my birthday. For the first time since too long I was expecting my birthday in a happy mood! Receving this message I started to have a mix of feelings; relief and fear, happiness and worries. Then I knew I will have to face the step that I have been avoiding all the time; the search! I know this won't be easy, no woman has to choose her baby, but I have to do that. And I absoloutly have no criteria to work with. But, I have a belief, you will be the one choosing me and all I have to do is understand your signal. I need to have a clear mind and heart to do that. My role is to roam around the orphanages in greater Cairo, till you send that signal. And then I would know you. And I would take you home.

Then, things started to add up. Me and Mariam had the legal documents completed for our company, we had an elegant logo design finished, things were starting to fall in place. Only that the next day we started hearing rumors that we will have to move to the desert road. Our office will be moved and then all my plans seemed to have collapsed! I was planning to find a good nursery in Zamalek where I can take you on working days. I was planning to have the rest of the days spent in my company with Mariam, the one we were planning to be in Heliopolis, and we had already searched for places and foud a perfect one, we were about to rent it when we heard the news! Add to this that things are turning so bad here in Egypt. The economy is falling apart, and looks like we are following Greece in its disaster. Things are becoming confusing again, is it wise to stay here and start working on our new company? Should we use these documents and proceed with the immigration to New Zealand as entrepreneurs? Should I keep looking for an apartement for both of us? I had already done a first search in Obour city, found a couple of good aparetments, but they are a bit far. With all this confusion, I wanted to proceed with my plans for you. I was always pushing myself for things to move and I don't wanna lose my momentum. So, no matter what's going on with my life, your life has nothing to do with that, and things will work out a way or another.

A week ago mom returned from the UAE, she had bought some stuff for you. And that melted my heart, seeing all your little things had given me courage to take the step. I started calling the orphanages to know which ones deliver babies, most of them only allow adoption on their premises. Yesterday I made some calls, and today will be my first visit to an orphanage ever. I was told there was a girl in one of these in Heliopols. I am terrified. It could be you! But, would you be the first one I meet? Would I fall in love at first sight? I have no idea what's going to happen. I prayed an hour ago. Will go to the bank shortly, and by noon I will have my first visit. And that's what makes today a special day, that's why I thought I have to write now. Maybe we meet today! See you soon honey :* ...I wish!