Living vs Waiting

Living:

Living here is used as a generic word for “living the moment”. When someone is “living the moment” he feels alive, enjoying every moment, experiencing all the feelings and emotions he should in that special moment. He is totally present, feeling relaxed, and hopeful about his future.

Waiting:

As explained in Oxford dictionary; the action of staying where one is or delaying action until a particular time or event:

‘years of waiting’

On the contrary to “living the moment”, when someone is in a waiting state, he is probably wasting his time and emotions, not experiencing the feelings he should experience in his present moment. Not being there, not understanding. Worried and anxious about what to come that he doesn’t notice the beauty of his current moment.

Waiting involves: intolerance, anxiety, anticipation. When someone is in a waiting state he starts to believe things have taken so long to happen. And this involves doubt that he is in charge of his own life, which makes him feel. All these block that person’s energy, and put him in a negative state. 

Case study

Sherief has just graduated from the faculty of arts. For the past four years of studying, things have not been as he wished. Life was a bit harsh, with a very little support from his family, and barely a few number of friends. And though, he has lots of dreams about getting a good career, travelling abroad to continue his studies. He believes in himself and his own powers. But, what seems he could achieve at this present moment is very few. He has to apply for the military service, which is obligatory. The process takes time till his status is decided. There is still some time before the date for application. He has to wait! He feels that he is wasting his time and energy. He started getting depressed of the little options he could choose from. He is always complaining that he will lose lots of years till he starts working to achieve his goals. Sherief believes he is in a race with time!

If Sherief chooses to change his perspective, seeing his state as he is in a growing process, and that everything takes time to happen. If he enjoys the very little he can do now and just stops waiting for what’s next. If he decides not to be attached to the goals, and becomes more attached to the values instead, if he believes that every step he takes no matter how it looks like, will sure get him to his goals.  This way life will become easier, he will start “Living” it mindfully. He will live every moment, every feeling. He will stay relaxed enjoying this current phase of his life. 

Self application

We are all having goals in our lives we are waiting to see them happen. We never have control over everything. What we do control is our attitude and actions. If we want to achieve those goals we need to accept that we don’t have the control over everything. And all we should focus on is what we can do to achieve them.

Think of a goal you are waiting anxiously to see it happen and ask yourself the following questions;

• What are the reasons for me waiting for this to happen?
• Am I ready for it to happen right now?
• When is the best time for me to have it happen?
• What have I done to make it happen?
• Is it totally out of my control?
• What do I have control over?
• How can I work for it?

If we focus all our energy on what we can do and how we can do it, living in the present moment and enjoying every bit of it. If we do that while we totally believe we do deserve to have that goal achieved, we will enjoy the ride and we will get there before we know it, because we will lose sense of time.

Coaching application

Patience:

As explained in Oxford dictionary; the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.

Patience involves: acceptance and tolerance.

In Islam patience is described to be good. Good patience is when the person does not complain. He is content with his current state, and enjoying whatever life may bring him.

Gratitude:

Gratitude is a feeling or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive. For the one to be grateful, he doesn’t need to have already received what benefit he expects. He could still be grateful even if it hasn’t happened yet.

The perfect moment:

For everything to happen there is this perfect moment. The moment in which if it happens earlier or later it would be of a loss. This can be explained on many aspects.

Scientifically

For a new born to be healthy, it takes him a 9 months, if he takes less than 9 months or more than that this could cause danger for his life or his mother’s.

Buddhism

In the article “12 Little Known Laws of Karma”, among the laws of Karma explained is the “Law of Patience and Reward” which states;

• All Rewards require initial toil.
• Rewards of lasting value require patient and persistent toil.
• True joy follows doing what we’re supposed to be doing, and waiting for the reward to come in on its own time.

Whilst, the Law of Here and Now states;

• Looking backward to examine what was, prevents us from being totally in the HERE AND NOW.
• Old thoughts, old patterns of behavior, old dreams…
• Prevent us from having new ones.

The concept of time:

As explained in the novel “At the Gates of the Epic” by Salah Saleh Al-Rashed, the concept of “time” and dealing with it goes like this:

1. Understand that time is an illusion that does not mean much in the world of universe and wholes.
2. In the moments of joy slow down the time, stop and enjoy, take breaths of it, focus on just one thing if possible.
3. Deal with time as you deal with money, it is a utility not a goal. Don’t make your goal racing with time, the same way others race with money.
4. Remember that time is a concept to help you organize your life, your wants and your goals. Time is not a barrier towards achieving your dreams.
5. Give all the time for every phase of your life and your evolution. Time is not to be regarded; it is about your growth.
6. Make use of time, skip it, go to the future and look at the past. Go to the future and change the past. Go to the past and change in it. Time is an illusion, do whatever you like with it.

Then he explains how to make friends with time:

1. Make friends with yourself. You are the source of your own happiness or misery.
2. Love yourself the way you are with no relation to time, space, circumstances, looks, or qualities.
3. Deal with life as a phase you will pass by, a traveler, be a traveler enjoying his journey, learning from it, grateful for the opportunity of travelling, enthusiastic about life, and lucky for living it.
4. Always live the moment and don’t focus deeply on the future. You may plan, but only to create a moment in the now for you and others to enjoy.
5. Make time your companion and assistant. Don’t send negative energy about that concept so it turns negative to you. Make time a factor that assists you and walks by your side wherever you go. Accelerates when you need acceleration, slows down when you need to slow down.
6. Send energy of positive feelings to the past. Forgive it with all its details. Take enough time to do that. Do that with all your kind self. Forgive everyone in your past. Send energy of positive feelings to your future. Inflate it with hope, success, and happiness. Live those feelings now. Don’t wait for those feelings to come in the future, create them and live them now.

  

The concept of time is what puts us in a waiting state. We are always anxious to have something, having expectations, worrying about the time passing. And some of the times we lose the faith of having what we wish if it takes longer than the time we expected.

In order to know where it is coming from exactly, we need to ask the client some questions like;

·         How do you feel right now?

·         What makes you feel that way?

·         How far do you accept yourself right now?

·         How far do you accept your current situation?

·         How would it feel like if you can never get old?

·         How would it feel like if you don’t have to race with time?

·         Have you ever been a situation before where you had to wait for something important to happen? How did you feel while waiting? How did you feel after you got it?

·         If you knew then that things would go right, would you have felt so worried and anxious waiting for it to happen?

The above lines by Salah Al-Rashed, explain the best tools to be able to deal with the waiting state.

Self-love; has always been the core for solving every problem, if the person doesn’t love himself, here and now, and postponing his love for himself to the future he will be anxious, hating himself!

Mindfulness; staying in the present moment, and enjoying every little thing happily.

Visualization; living in the future moment with all its details, feeling its joy, breathing it in.

In order for those tools to get the client moving we could ask him these questions;

·         List reasons why you love yourself

·         Ask the client the reasons he doesn’t love himself

·         Who are the ones you love most? What do you dislike about them? Does that change the way you love them?

·         What are 3 things you are grateful for today?

·         What makes you grateful for them?

·         How would you express your gratitude?

·         How would it feel like if you have your goal already achieved? Elaborate.

Reflections

• What experiences did you recall reading this power tool?
• How does “living the moment” feel like to you?
• Describe waiting.
• What is your definition of time? How do you view that concept?