Skip to main content

Two persons in one body!

That's how it feels like, if there are not more than two!

Almost every night I go to bed, while am about to fall asleep, this one asks me to wake up and faces me with the sweet fact that all am living now is just fake! Life is all fake, and it will all end someday, somehow. The other person seems to refuse that fact, though it knows it is true, it doesn't wanna face it. It has been like that for many years, but now I think I am so tired that I wanna keep them both silent! The sooner I face that fact the sooner my suffering will end.

While writing this, I realize that a year ago, that voice was all silent, I thought it died! But, it is so alive and kicking! I believe this person is a part of my major depression. I am starting to believe I need urgent help. But, am even too tired to seek it.

I am drowning in a whirl of depression. I can't find my way out of that whirl. Everything is going so wrong, am so tired of fighting for a life that am not even interested in. Everything is so hard to get, even the cup of tea, or a plain croissant! Whatever I try to get, it is always the wrong thing I receive! Why do I say yes, I have no idea! Why do I receive anything that is served in my plate even if it is not what I asked for?! That's the typical me! 

Asking myself how can everything be so hard, there has to be something wrong I do, or maybe it is a curse! What is the mistake? Why can't I get just a peaceful life with no huge challenges! Reading quotes that all the challenges I meet are to prepare me with strength, my only reply is that am strong enough, please, I need no more! I am done with this life! I am done with this world!

I got no road to take, I am very confused, I think I lost all my values. Each and every choice I have in sight needs persistence, and I ran out of persistence some time ago!

Am tired if thinking, am tired of being me.

This fight inside of me, how can I end it? Which person should I follow? Is life a fake? If life is fake, why do I have to live it? How can I live it knowing it is fake? How can I follow the other one who doesn't wanna face the fact that this all is non-sense and will end eventually?

Is there a way out of this whirl?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My dream trips :)

I decided to write down my dream trips, since I add more to that every now and then, I'm afraid I will forget something. I really wish to do those trips before I die :). I won't sort them. Whatever is possible to do first, I will. 1. Another visit to the UK, one that's more organized, and maybe for a longer time 2. Spend some time in Paris, three nights is never enough! 3. Angkor, Cambodia! 4. Latin America, didn't decide which countries yet, but for sure I have to drop by Peru to visit a friend there 5. Aswan 6. A trip along the Nile till I reach lake Victoria. I have to drop by each country of the nine, really feel it, breathe it, taste it! 7. Italy, this one will be a long trip, I believe I need to visit every single province there! 8. Bali, Indonesia 9. India...India...India (this one may need a month!) 10. China 11. Planet Japan (Maybe!) 12. Qatar, wanna see the place where I grew up once more :) 13. A trip to the gulf countries in general! 14. Malaysia, I believe...
8 comments
Read more

What a WONDERFUL world!

On Tuesday, February 3, 2009 Send love, receive love!! This is what I experienced this year. As everyone knows, today happened to be my birthday! And, for my surprise, I got the highest number of birthday wishes ever!! I even got wishes form someones that I never expected they will!! The thing, that NEVER happened before! NO words can tell how happy I felt for those wishes. YOU all made my day :)) Though, I was wondering, why this year specially, what happened, what is the change?!! I kept wondering. Before, yes, I always loved everyone around me, never hated anyone. I know, I was too busy before with the much trouble I lived in. Maybe I didn't have much time to turn to people around me. I know this year was different, I started to concentrate more on people. But, still I don't believe this is the reason why. Later on, after a lot of thinking and wondering and remembering, I remembered that in the past few days, while attending a course for PHE, we did some exercise, an ex...
Post a Comment
Read more

The easy path or the right path?

We are frequently challenged in life, life would ask a question and throw many answers from which we have to choose only one. By human nature, we tend to choose the easiest answer, which is unfortunately the wrong answer. You were challenged in the first place to grow, to learn something new about life or about yourself. It is a chance that life offers you to mature, to become a better version of you. Choosing the "easy" answer, or path won't take you anywhere. You will only keep running in spirals and you will have to face the same question again. When life throws a challenge in your way, take your time, think, find which of them makes you most uncomfortable. That is the right answer...the right path. All you need to do then is take the "leap of faith"...and before you know it all your fear will be gone, and everything becomes under control. Never let fear choose for you!
Post a Comment
Read more
"Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast."

The Prophet ~ Khalil Gibran